love never fails

Sometimes, I wonder... if everyone of us will just treat each person we meet with great compassion, see them with love, then maybe life would be better. And this world will be a better place to live.

Yes, we were given that privilege. I bet, when God created us, He has that in mind and gave us a a lot of love to be consumed and to be shared. He loved us so much He gave us free will and reason that makes us different from all living things. But sin crept in. And this is always the stumbling block between experiencing an awesome life because of great love and a miserable life that is covered with selfishness and negativity.

It is not an easy task to decide to love. It's still an effort even to those people close to you. It's an everyday commitment we have to make, most especially to those who need it most. And I think we can only love if we learn how to love ourselves first and seek that unconditional love to the ultimate source - God, for God is love and love is God.

Today, I will strive to love again. This may not be an easy task for it may give me more heartaches and might be rejected in the process. But it's not about me... it's about sharing the love I have received from God. I am loved, therefore, it's just right to share that love. For it never fails.

reality bites

Reality bites. And it hurts, most especially on those times that you're not prepared.

But sometimes, we need reality to bite us to bring us back to sanity. For our own good. 

*   *   *

It bit a friend recently when an ex-love found a new love.

I saw how hurt my friend was. For I was the one tasked to deliver the message.

And I wonder...

Am I ready to face that kind of reality in the near future?

To see an ex-love find someone else, a new love that is not me?

*   *   *

On my way to the office this morning, I found myself thinking of that 'ex-love'.

I saw him again. After a long time.

He's still doing the same things as before. The same things I fell in love with.

And hate at the same time.

His sluggishness. His pride. His stubbornness. His tactless personality. His indifference.

I have loved these things about him before.

But seeing him doing these things now, made me realized

I really don't like it. It turns me off. Big time.

Reality bit me. But it was okay. it didn't hurt. It was good, actually.

*   *   *

More realities that bit me the past few days:

• a respectable person who made that insensitive remark.
• a friend who cheated on her thesis (but did the right thing after our talk and some reflection)
• the 300 kids (from 6 to 12 years old) in one room with only 5 of us to handle.
• the new love I found with a couple coordinator whom before, I found them insensitive 
• that my role in our household may not be ME to be nourished, but I contribute to the nourishment to our household (both for household head and members)
• I really don't like expensive stuffs. If I will be eating a Lamb burger, it should be given to me or I really deserve it to buy one.
• the burden of telling the people of my concerns a.k.a problem about them.
• if i want a toxic-free life, spend less time with toxic people and do less of toxic stuffs.
• talk to the right people. talking to everyone who 'appears' to be concern (daw!) isn't healthy and may be the one to spread the news (or the gossip for that matter).
• and trust the people who really cares for you. what they do (or say) is always for your own good.

*   *   *

Excerpts from our weekly Full-time Pastoral Workers' Coordination Meeting last Monday:

• "Everyone has an unspoken hunger to know and experience God, so we should always be ready to inject God in everything"
• "To be a Full-time Pastoral Worker means being a Missionary all the time"
• "There should be no dichotomy on what we do and who we are, for there should a fusion of both, that is called INTEGRITY"
• "Everyone has a struggle. It's how you face it. And the good thing is you're not facing it alone. For you are facing it with God."
• "Let God shine!"

And my prayer for the week:

Lord, bring me back to memories and experiences that will remind me of how great You are in my life, Amen.

For my God and my future family, I will endure the pain.

Again, it's the time of the month in a girl's life

where you become more irritated and snobbish to everyone.

But for me, it's more than that.

Add the agonizing pain I have to endure for the first two days.

It's either I drugged myself with a lot of pain reliever

or just let myself sleep and endure the pain.

My doctor said there's cure: sex or pills.

Either way, I can't. And I won't.

Sex. I'll go to that when I get married.

But with pills, I can't. And I won't.

Not anymore.

I tried drinking 33 pills before but side effects were worse. 

And I don't want to risk my future pregnancies.

So until I get married, I have to endure the pain. 

I have to drink a lot more pain relievers and lie down and sleep on it.

I love my life. For this is a gift to me. And what I do with it is my gift to the ONE who gave it to me.

And I choose to endure the pain rather than do crazy things to hurt my God and my future family.

*but how many times more?*

choose what is right and you don't have to lie

Tonight, I met a friend who called me because she had an "emotional emergency and needed a friend. She really looked harassed and confused when I arrived in her condo. She realized she made a HUGE mistake with her thesis for M.A. after her defense and revision for final paper. 

After listening to her, I helped her see the options she has, good or bad, and all the consequences to help her decide. But after a while of convincing her to do what is right, I was saddened when she told me finally that she will just choose to do the wrong thing, hoping that she won't be caught. Or if she will, she'll just face the later on. She can't afford to do the right thing at the moment for that would require repeating the whole thesis, and a lot more time away from her husband who is now working abroad.

*   *   *

Why do most of us want the easy way out rather than suffer the consequences of doing what is right?

When I was in elementary, instead of telling my adviser about my classmate who got my food for recess, I pulled her hair that brought me to the Principal's Office and was sanctioned of one day suspension in the library (with her).

In high school, studying was my least favorite activity and so I resorted to doing codigos, until my Math prof caught me and got a failing grade for that exam.

During college, I cut classes during P.E. because I don't like table tennis. I almost got an F.A. (failure due to absences) and had to beg my prof to give me a special exam to pass the subject since my parents knew that I was always in school. (glad she did and asked me to make a letter holder. tsk tsk)

A lot more did I do in betweens and after that, just because I wanted an easy way out. Suffered the consequences but looking back now, I just hope that I didn't need to go through those things.

Regret. That's how I feel. 

*   *   *

Why suffer in doing what is right when it's easier to do the opposite and the only thing i need to do is to be careful not to be caught?

Jaywalking.

Tampering.

Vandalism.

Lying.

Cheating.

Abortion.

Easy way out. But will leave you a guilty conscience that you have to live for a long time, or worse, until lifetime. 

Choosing to do or say right maybe difficult and might require a little more effort and commitment on your part, but if it will leave you a clearer conscience and a good sleep at night, then it's all worth it.

I'd rather suffer now for doing what is right than suffer until I die for choosing to lie.

And for me, choosing to do what is right means choosing Christ.

"For to me, to live is Christ, and even death is profitable for me."

- Philippians 1,21

totally unexpected.

unexpected [ˌʌnɪkˈspɛktɪd]

Definition: from hyperdictionary

1. [adj]  not expected or anticipated; "unexpected guests"; "unexpected news"
2. [adj]  happening or coming quickly and without warning; "a sudden unexpected development"
3. [adj]  not planned; "an unexpected pregnancy"
4. [adj]  causing surprise or amazement by not being expected; "the curtains opened to reveal a completely unexpected scene"
5. [adj]  made necessary by an unexpected situation or emergency; "a forced landing"
6. [adj]  not foreseen; "unsuspected difficulties arose"; "unsuspected turnings in the road"

*   *   *
I Y Mondays (read my previous blog). On a normal Monday, it's just FTW Coordination meeting, lunch with the Monday group then do some stuffs for the week. But today, it's different. Totally unexpected.

The totally-unexpected situation can be described as not foreseen; "unsuspected difficulties arose"; "unsuspected turnings in the road". Maybe because of the insensitive remark coming from a person whom you thought of highly and also you thought would fully understand your situation. Or the difficulty of letting that person listen to your explanation, lest understand you. Or the feeling of disappointing your God (even if you know in your heart that you didn't) just because that person made you feel that way.

Totally unexpected. I was greatly affected and hurt at the same time. I still need to process it and talk to the right people to address the issue. One of the thorns that I have to endure, a cross that I have to carry for now. It may be part of my "I Y Mondays" day, but i'll make sure that it won't ruin my day especially my Monday. And as long as I know that I have consulted it with God, and He has blessed it, then no one can say that I am a disappointment, that I have made a wrong choice.

Lesson learned: Be extra sensitive with the people around you. You'll never know how much pain your careless words can cut through someone's heart.    

I love Mondays!

I Y Mondays!

Mondays are usually the dreaded day of the week, probably because it's the start of another school or work week. Yes, that's so true for me especially when I started teaching. It means lesson plans, meetings and deadlines. Thinking about Mondays then was a real stress.

I Y Mondays!

Things changed when I went on mission to Latin America. Mondays became the most exciting day for me since it's my one-on-one household and service meeting with Marie - complete with exhortation, worship and household topic!

I Y Mondays!

Then going home to Philippines, Mondays means Coordination Meeting with my missionary friends from the young ministries. The intense worship, personal testimonies of how the Lord has worked in their lives, inspiring realizations and true brotherhood and sisterhood - became part of our weekly routine... a best way to start our work week!

I Y Mondays!

And for me, Mondays can be equated to:

Mondays = good friends, hearty laugh, inspiring stories and amazing meeting with the Lord!

Who would want to miss this kind of Monday? *wink*

my Monday group. =)

*waiting for a miracle to happen

the BANCHETTO experience

from the banchetto site

Last Friday, I went to Banchetto in Emerald Ave. with Kuya JC, Ate Chinka and VL for business/pleasure experience. Business since we went there to look for concessionaires to join in our upcoming activity on October. And business became more exciting since you're with good friends! =)

I was with VL distributing flyers and while doing so, we were also looking for what to eat. A LOT of choices were available, and I mean good-looking food presentation and I wanted to buy a little of everything (if money wasn't a problem). Anyway, after 2-3 rounds distributing and window-food-shopping, we ended up buying a blueberry chessecake for desert and a quarter pound with wasabe mayo at Monster Burger (as what Ate Des suggested) and I must say that it was worth all the penny for its taste! (tip: if you want to eat this one, you have to place your order as soon as you arrive. That's  our mistake though, we were the first ones to approach the stall before it opened, but we didn't place our order. And when we decided to order, we were customer #33 and they were only serving customer #5 that time!) I also met a wonderful couple JJ and Cathy of Crepe-papips who were interested in joining our food fair and also very friendly and accommodating with their customers. A lot of funny stories and bonding moments with Kuya JC and Ate Chinka and I must say that I found an ideal older sibling in them - funny, street smart, interesting, talented, beautiful and real persons (okay, is it your birthday???). And thanks to VL, I got home safely. 

I realized during the food hunting that when you are faced with a lot of options, you really have to do an elimination process until you reach what you really like, what is best for you. For me, I was torn in eating pizza, pasta and burger. But in the end, I chose Monster Burger because I feel like eating burger that time and because of the rave comments I got from friends. Just like in life, one has to discern well which of the options presented is the right one for him/her so that in the end, he/she will have the best choice.

I wanted to go back at Banchetto again, but this time, with a lot more of good friends, an emptier stomach (coz I ate dinner before going there) and a fatter wallet (or maybe not; good friends are enough, and I bet they'll be the ones buying my dinner then.. hehe)

when you're good friends, silence is not a problem

Tonight, I just felt being spontaneous and called my spontaneous best friend.
" Hey, busy ka?"
" Hindi naman. Anong plano."
" Libre mo kong dinner."
" Sige. What time tayo meet at saan?"

So we've decided about the time and place to meet. Of course, I was late because of THAT MRT ride (but it was fun though, thanks to KFL team!) We ate at Gateway Food Court (budgeted meals this time especially if payday is just a few days away). Surprisingly, we just ate in silence. No stories, jokes or rants of the day. We just enjoyed our food, a little comment about the taste, well, that's all. Then after, we decided to check on the ukay-ukay around. We didn't have time to share personal stories during that time, and we just enjoyed each other's company through shopping. After that, we headed home.

I sent a message to him, thanking him for the dinner. And amazingly, his reply was this: "Salamat, ganado akong mag-aral ngayon at magdasal, salamat sa Diyos at sa iyo. GB" (Thank you, I am now inspired to study and pray, thanks to god and to you. GB). I was struck. I reviewed the whole time we were together and I couldn't think of any moment we discussed any inspiring story that might give him any motivation. And then I realized, when you're with good friends, you don't have to talk all the time. Sometimes, just sitting around together doing nothing, enjoying the silence is much more needed and appreciated than the advice you can give.
*   *   *
And contrast to that event was the moment that happened before that.

Someone gave me a gift. A surprise gift to be exact.

I never expected a gift from that person. Probably because of the silence that I have with her for quite some time.

Both situations happened with silence, but gave a different feeling.

Silence that is comfortable and another with a feeling of dread.

Let silence be always comfortable.

And because of that, I need to talk to her. To end that dreadful silence.

ASAP.

good preparation = salvation

Last Sunday, I went home again to Pampanga to visit my Mom's grave and also get some documents that I need. Before going to my Lolo's house, I attended the mass at the nearby church (where I was baptized and Mom's last mass). I was praying so hard for the mass to be in Tagalog or English, and praise God it was in English!

Anyway, the homily was so good that I had to take down notes and share it here:
(Gospel: Luke 12: 32-48)

• Ang taong laging handa, kasama sa handaan sa kalangitan (The person who is always ready will join the feast in heaven)
• HANDAAN: it's a Filipino term for feast. When you invite people to your 'handaan' it means, you have prepared something for them - food, venue, yourself as a host, etc. So Handaan means "HANDA KA" (you're ready)
• The best preparation for death is a good life. 3 ways of preparing one's self:

            a) OFFENSE - use God's blessings in your life; no time for idleness

            b) DEFENSE - because we are in a spiritual war, our defense should always be up

                                  - increase your spiritual level by making yourself holy

                                  - stay away from SIN

                                  - changing one's self in mind, heart and soul

                                  - the more you allow SIN to enter your life, it will pull you down to the pit.

• Protect yourself. Fight for your faith.
• The prize of good preparation is SALVATION.

*   *   *

And I was affirmed once more that Mom is already saved because she had a good preparation before her death - she led a good life. 

Thank you Lord for this wonderful affirmation and message.

scriptwriter

" He was never mine. And I was never his.
  And it never existed an "us".
  And if ever there was an "us", then let's just leave it where we came from;
  Where it started and ended even before anything begun."
- to Ate Anna about him *whoever she was pertaining to as 'my man' that never existed*
*   *   *
If I'll be given an opportunity, I'd like to give scriptwriting a try.
Probably because I watch too much TV and movies that I always end up criticizing and wanting to change the plot.
A better scenario. Better lines. Better characters.
I remember joining the scriptwriters' committee when I was in high school.
I was the one who always give the most dramatic scenes, the most emotional lines.
As if I will be the one delivering them.
I don't know if it's being poetic or just being creative.
Imagining it to be my own scene.
*   *   *
But as I grow old, the desire slowly dies down.
Maybe because it is not put into good use.
And not inspired enough to do a good storyline.
But maybe, i'll try once more.
It was my dream to join the any competition, lest the Palanca Awards. (ambitious!)
I want to revive that passion once more.
But this time, writing stories that will inspire people -
about life. love. family. relationships. conviction. faith. God.
And this time, I don't desire to join the Palanca Awards anymore.
But my only desire is
to share these stories to give light, even a little light to others.
And use the talent that God has given me.

kinilig ako.

matagal na akong hindi kinikilig. siguro dahil nga sa sinanay ko ang sarili na wag kiligin para hindi mag-assume, naging manhid na rin in a way. nung last na kinilig ako, nasira ang friendship. napagalitan ng boss. at napadasal ng todo-todo. umiyak. nasaktan. yun ay dahil in-allow ko ang sarili na kiligin at dalhin ng aking emosyon. at NIYA.

pero kanina, sa hindi sinasadyang pagkakataon, kinilig ako. wala namang spectacular na nangyari. we just talked. chit-chat. small talks. (and i'm good with that). walang special sa pinag-usapan. pero weird kasi nag-uusap. hindi naman kami ganun. pero okay naman. di ako dun kinilig.

kinilig ako nung pagtingin ko sa kanya dahil tatawagin ko siya eh nakatingin siya. seryoso. at siguro nakita na niya na nakatingin ako kaya ngumiti. but i looked away.

ang arte ba? di lang siguro ako sanay. pero nice yung feeling. something new. di ko lang akalain na tatablan ako ng kilig sa mga panahon na ito. ngayon pa, na ini-immune ko ang sarili ko for more than a year na mula sa aking nakaraan.

nice try. sana maulit. *ang arte*

inx's: minsan, kelangan may kaartehan at walang ka-kwenta-kwenta naman ang i-blog. para masaya. haha

itxey and wi-fi

I started my own dream book in September 2008 when I was still in Costa Rica for mission. I remembered reading a Bo Sanchez' article on this that prompted me to do one.

 

the cover page

I wrote down all the impossible dreams I could think of and one of these is a Laptop. See specs below.

I am not a techie person so I only wrote down what I wanted for a Laptop: Dell, Pink, with webcam, wireless connection, DVD /RW and 2 GB Hard memory. During that time, We didn't have laptop and one of the Titos there lend us one, but it was sooo old and slow that you can still pee first while saving up your power point file. (imagine??)


When I got home last year, Mom bought my brother and I an HP Pavillion dv5 laptop. It was really nice, hi-tech and all. (okay, i'm really not a techie here).  An answered prayer coz I remembered that earlier in the mission, I  cut a picture of a laptop and pasted in my journal and it was the same laptop given to me after 2 years! I was very contented with it, with all its features and sleek design. The downside maybe, is that, it's really heavy for travelling.


Anyway, recently, I got problems with it though. I think because of travelling a lot (and thinking that it's sturdy enough coz it's metal), it's LCD became a little loosen. Sometimes you have to hold it or else, you can only get white screen. It was a little annoying at times most especially when you are in the middle of something.


I told my mom to buy a new one. It didn't materialized though coz you-know-what-happened. Fast forward, my brother needed the laptop almost everyday and we were having fights about ti coz I always bring it to the office and he didn't have anything to use at home. That's when I realized to buy my own laptop.


But where to get the money??? I tried asking my aunt, a  friend, and cousin if I could ride on their credit card. But they are over limit at this time. So I prayed, and prayed and prayed. And God heard my persistent plea: He gave me cash (pay when able!) through my dad! Amazing!!!


And so, I asked my dear techie frind, Dave, to buy with me in Gilmore, the tech hub of Manila. And now, the dream has finally come true! After 2 years, I finally have now Itxey, my Pink Dell Laptop! It really pays to pray and wait! :)

at Starbucks Gateway where we installed all the softwares

My dear techie friend Dave. Guess who is he texting with that smile!

"Setup is preparing your computer for first use." =)

This is Dave after 3 hours of re-installing Windows 7 for 3x! *sungit

Bonus from God: Itxey, my Pink Dell.

PS: Since I got it in a discounted price, I was able to buy a router as well. Now, we have wi-fi at home! Thank God!