Asi Sea.

Letting go doesn't mean that you're giving up. It's just that you're letting God take control of the situation and hoping for His will to be done.

It's difficult but i'm trying to do that right now.

Asi sea. 

So be it. 

Siya Nawa.

Let His will be done.

Amen.

a love poem to God

Beyond  words, I praise You.
For who You are, to me and to everyone.
Your love is unchanging. Unconditional. Unselfish.
You only think about us. our welfare. our hearts.
You see our imperfections but nevertheless, love us still.
You made the whole world just to show us how great and important are we to You.
But we failed to notice the grandeur of your grace.
We focus on what we lack.
We focus on who we are - the imperfect us.
We fail to see the beauty made around and in us.
We fall on the trap, until we reach the pit.
We never know that we're in it, until we hit the rock-bottom.
But there You are, waiting to catch us
So we'll not hurt ourselves that much when we hit the ground.
You reach unto us, extending your loving arms.
To heal our wounds and bruises caused by our own doings
You forgive and forget the hurt we've caused you
And lovingly gazing at us, seeing only the gem in us.
How can we separate in such awesome love by You, oh Lord?
How can we exchange this wonderful gift
To something we thought that would make us happy
We thought that would make us complete?
Only you can fill us up.
Only you can change us and restore us once more.
More than any of your creations, it is us whom you love the most.
And I bet
You'll still do the same thing - die for us - over and over again
If that's the only way to win us back
If that's the only way to show us your love
If that's the only way to make us understand
That indeed, we are special
And to you, we are the only one.

isa kang damong ligaw na naligaw sa buhay ko

Damong ligaw.

Mga bagay, tao o pangyayari 

Na patuloy na kumakain 

Ng mabuting kalooban mo.

Sila ang pumipigil 

Sa pagsibol ng iyong kagandahan

Kadakilaan

at kagalingan.

Minsan akala natin

na ang presensiya nila ay normal lang

Pero di natin pansin

na unti-unti na pala nitong kinakain 

Ang ating kasiyahan, ang ating kagiliwan sa buhay.

Kaya ang Hardinero, kapag nakita ang damong ligaw

Tinatanggal ito.

Dahil alam niya na mas makakasira ito kesa sa ikabubuti nito.

Tingin ko, ikaw ang damong ligaw ng buhay ko.

Isang damong naligaw,

Akala ko nung una, masaya

Na makakabuti ka.

Pero hindi pala.

Pilit ko iniisip kung ano ka ba talaga

At yun, nahanap ko rin ang tamang kataga

Damong ligaw. Oo, Ikaw ang damong ligaw.

Na paminsan-minsan, patuloy pa rin ang pagtubo

Pero paulit-ulit ka na tinatanggal sa buhay ko.

Oo, damong ligaw.

Minsan nahihirapan akong tanggalin ka

Pero alam ko na kapag inalis ka, kapag nawala ka

Mas magiging okay ako. Mas magbubunga ako.

(hindi pa natapos dahil hindi alam kung paano tatapusin ang pagiging damong ligaw niya sa buhay ko)

"hindi ako si superwoman!"

a blog I made while a sister was sharing during the Vineyard Weekend:

Mayabang ako.
Tingin ko kaya ko lahat.
Lumaki kasi ako na kinakaya ko ang lahat.
Pero ngayon, tinuruan ako...
Di pala lahat kaya ko.
Na okay lang pala na malaman na may kahinaan ka rin.
Na may mga bagay kang hindi mo kayang gawin.
At kapag nalaman mo na ang kahinaan mo,
Mas madaling matanggap ang sarili mo.
At kapag tanggap mo na ang sarili mo, kapag mas kilala mo an kung sino ka,
Mas maiintindihan mo ang mga bagay na kaya at hindi mo kayang gawin.
Ang mga bagay na dapat at hindi dapat.
At sa ganoong paraan,
Mas may kalayaan ng gamitin ka ng Diyos.
Dahil wala ka ng itinatago.
Wala ka ng pag-aalinlangan.
Dahil alam mo na
Na kahit ano sa buhay mo - maganda o hindi
Kalakasan mo o ang iyong kahinaan,
Pwede niyang gamitin.
Basta payagan mo lang siya.
Hindi ka niya pipilitin
Dahil mahal ka Niya
Kaya ka Niya binibigyan ng pagkakataong pumili
Na piliin Siya, o piliin ang iba.
Ako? Pinipili ko Siya.
Ilang beses man akong madapa, magkamali, at minsan lumayo sa Kanya,
Pipiliin ko pa rin Siya.
At alam ko, oo, sigurado ako dito
na kahit ilang beses uli akong madapa, magkamali, at minsan lumayo sa Kanya,
alam ko, isa lang ang gagawin Niya.
Pipiliin pa rin Niya ako.
*   *   *

the vineyard weekend cost me my hair =D

Going to the Vineyard Weekend has cost me not only the raised eyebrows and a lot of questions of why I need to go out, but also, it cost me my shoulder length hair.

Why?

*   *   *

Why do you cut your hair?

When I was younger, I usually cut my hair on February and June - my birthday and opening of classes.

When I was in high school, I cut my hair because of fashion.

In college, I learned that women cut their hair for some of these reasons - something new in their life, a drastic thing happened or moving on from a lost love.

Funny may it seems but I have carried this belief until now.

And after the Vineyard Weekend, I cut my shoulder length hair into a pixie cut.

Why?

*   *   *

I was with mixed emotions coming to the Vineyard weekend at Alpadi last May 30-31. Excited coz it was my first community activity after my 2 week-leave. Hesitant because it's the first time I'm going to leave my Mom overnight; and my aunts kept on scolding at me why do I need to go there. But still I went.

And I had a good time! Bonding time with my Vineyard buddies - Raine, Loren and Liz, plus knowing new SFL leaders from other districts! Able to see my SFL FTW friends (oh, it's good to be back!) plus a lot of bloopers and simple yet joyous moments (TARA!!! *just the sound of my voice makes her cry... awww)


A wonderful experience with the Lord. Indeed, it really became a personal retreat for me. It wasn't just me and me talking, but more on God talking and transforming the stubborn ME. The questions that has been haunting me were answered (about Mom and THE WEED) and I felt renewed and empowered after all the depressing moments I went through for the past few months.


And after the Vineyard Weekend, after experiencing God anew, after feeling refresh and re-born again, I went to the parlor, had a hair treatment and cut my hair short! (just to complete the feeling of a renewed life!)
*I just didn't foreseen it to be THIS short! haha
*   *   *
Showing you the evolution of my hair (and I really have to blog about this! haha)

my usual hair

the lou-bonnevie-look 

(the gay beautician said it looks good. hello! i feel like i'm a rock star during 70's! argh!)

And since I don't like the 70's rock star look, I decided to cut it again, now inspired by Ate Des :)

And tried different hair styles:

 

the fly-me-to-the-moon look

the mannequin look

the ordinary-girl look

the bangs-kung-bangs look

the SM Department store look

(just tried this bonnet and took a picture.. haha)