about grieving.

how should one grieve?
i really have no idea.
should i cry and wail just like others do?
or just let the tears flow when it wants to be?
let me know.
for i want to grieve but i don't know how.
the emotions are just there.
my heart feels the loss.
but i don't know how to express it.
i couldn't cry for no tears would flow.
i can only smile, laugh and give jokes.
but even though i'm like that,
my heart is crying and breaking into pieces.
it isn't easy to lose someone you love.
most especially if it's your mom.
it may be easier if she wasn't a good mom to us.
BUT SHE WAS! and that makes it harder now.
i miss her. a lot.
sometimes i find myself staring at the wall, flashes of memories running in my mind.
and wishing that she's there to hold my hand.
or listen to my funny stories.
or talk about faith.
or just even scold me.
yes, wishful thinking.
but i know, she's in a place better than here -
she's with our Creator, our God,
who has already taken away all her pain and suffering.
knowing that she's at peace,
even if we're grieving for losing her,
i'm okay. i'm at peace.
but of course, i still miss her.
and even if i know that this blog entry isn't one of my best written entry,
i know that i have poured my heart out here.
something that i couldn't do because i don't know how.
Mom, i just miss you. i hope you're happy. I pray you're at peace.
you will always be remembered, for you have live a life pleasing to God.
thank you for being a good mother to us. and for raising us well.
look after us now that you're with the angels of God.
Mom, take care. hold on to God's hand.
and let Mama Mary embrace you.
do not worry about us. we're okay.
we'll get through.
we will never forget you.
and we will always love you.
Ma. Mom. Mudra.
I miss you.