the right look for the right feel.

i'm changing the web lay-out of this site again.

i'm looking for the right look. so i can have the right feel and be more inspired in blogging my thoughts.

at least, i found the right title for this blog.

that even if i always forget so many things in life,

at least there are still things that are worth remembering. 

and this is what my blog is all about.

things that i remember in between my memory gaps.

*   *   *

because of joanne, i want to cut my hair as well.

maybe with that, i will feel better. easier. lighter.

i still have to find the right hair style though.

but until then, i just need to live through my current hairstyle.

just like my current lifestyle. 

and my current situation.

*   *   *

it's hard to find the right look if you don't know what you're looking for. if you don't know what you want.

but it's harder if you already know what you want and what you're looking for but couldn't find it because it's not available.

you just have to adjust with what's available without compromising with what you really want. 

meeting half-way.

that's how you deal with life most of the time.

you can't have everything that you want.

you just have to settle with what's available.

making the best out of it.

and being contented with the blessing you received because of it.

*   *   *

am i making sense? maybe yes. but for some, probably not.

right now i just need the right feel. that's why i'm looking for the right look.

this entry might be a nonsense but for me, it expressed what i feel.

i'm looking for the right look. so i could have a right feel.

can you help me look for it?

bow.

Kids Revolution: a new generation of KFL

"KFL kahit bata, kilala na namin  si God! Mabait, magaling... para sa 'min Siya'y sikat!"

Here goes the chant that keeps on sounding in my head. Several days have passed but I still feel the WKC 2010 fever!

Kids revolution. The title of the World Kids Conference 2010 held last April 23-25 @ Lipa, Batangas. I remember getting stares from the coordinators or a "ano yun? (what's that?") remark from the kids when I told them before about the title of the WKC 2010. Even a coordinator told me "Bakit, tuturuan ba natin maging rebelde ang mga bata kaya revolution ang title ng WKC? (Why, are we going to teach the children to be revolutionaries that's why it's the title?)". It's different. It's bold. But that's what we wanted for KFL. To change. To show to the people around them that even in their young age, they can stand for what is right; for what they believe in. And they can speak about God. Live a life for God.
*  *  *
A month before the WKC, Kuya Xavy and Ate Des were asked to go to Rome to represent the Philippines for a conference there (that's another story =D). The four of us - Angel, Joanne, Kuh and I, coined as the KFL girls - were left with all the preparations for the WKC. Actually, we were very relaxed at first, since we already have prepared a lot for the conference and just needed polishing for the other areas. But God has other plans. Since the title means a bold change, that's what He did to us: everything that we have prepared for were scraped off and we have to begin from zero once more. Our initial reaction was like "HUWAAATTT???" since all the preparations were done since December last year. We haven't recovered yet from the shocking news that we have received, but work must be started.

Together with the amazing Ates - Ate Grace, Ate Chinky and Ate Mariel - we all worked together for the changes that were needed to be done. It wasn't as easy process though - a lot of tears, sleepless nights and revisions were done just to make everything in place, as God willed it to be. We all just wanted the best for the kids; we all just wanted the kids to experience the awesome power and majesty of God, the same way as their parents and ates and kuyas have experienced in their respective conferences. It was a painful experience, as what Ate Grace said, our "growing pains", but I believe that these growing pains allowed us to be stronger and hold on more to the Almighty. Besides, this conference is all about Him and the kids and we're just instruments for His plan to take place. Realizing this made me more excited!
*  *  *
This conference allowed me more time to get on my knees and really pray hard for God's will. I just know that this will be a great conference since many oppressions have been happening around us most especially with the team. But nevertheless, this didn't stop nor disheartened the team; it made us cling more to God's promise that He will deliver. And He did!

• Budget was cut due to lack of funds. We have to have at least 800 pax to have a break-even, but God gave us 1200 pax for the weekend!
• Daniel, the youngest worship leader, proved to us that even a 6-year old can really give a heartfelt worship to God!
• A big surprise for me was Joshua Padilla, whom I have met and bonded last year in the KFL Antipolo Sportsfest and WKC. Compared to how he was before,  must say that a BIG improvement  really happened to my li'l friend who was very playful before. When I asked him of what slogan did he write during the Pro-life workshop, he told me "We need to save the Mother Earth... because she needs us" and that really impressed me! And also, he really was participating in the activities! So no wonder he was able to share on the last day, coz I believe he really enjoyed the WKC!
• It was just affirming that we did the right thing separating the Junior and Senior Kids WOrkshops to focus on each's needs. The 8 years old and below kids (most especially the youngest participants Reese, Gabie, Sabine and Aida) enjoyed doing their creation mobile with their moms, sung Kids Praise, did their Family tree and experienced the love of God through their other KFL friends, Ates and Kuyas during their Junior Kids Workshops (thanks to the Heart champs led by Kuya Aldrin and Ate Mae!) And for those older kids, a much in-depth sessions about worshiping God and the importance of the Scriptures as their own stories were given. Plus, workshops on study habits, talents and pro-life were also provided.
• The KFL Coordinators and Heart Champs were empowered in their respective workshops on how to do their part in the work we're doing in KFL.
• Witnessing the kids from all ages worshiping God during the last Kids Praise on Sunday - some were dancing, others were just raising their hands but everyone singing at the top of their lungs - were a sight to behold, something that you want to keep in your memory for the rest of your life coz you know that these kids were really changed during the weekend and were really worshiping God not because their Ates and Kuyas told them to do so, but because they know who God is.

This conference really lived out its title - revolutionizing the kids, changing their perspective and allowing them to grasp in their young age who God is and why do we worship Him, teaching them to live a life that they are called to as sons and daughters of God - yes, we have started a Kids Revolution! And I believe that it wasn't only th kids who were changed, but adults as well - coz for me, this WKC affirmed me that I am doing what God wants me to do, I am living the life He has chosen for me and allowed me to appreciate the important work that we're doing for the Kids' Ministry.

Kids Revolution: a new generation of KFL. Deeper and bolder with our faith. Because no one is too young enough to know Christ!

See you next year in Subic!

want to experience pure happiness? bathe in a fire hose bath with kids!

last weekend, I had the chance to be a kid again.

i bathed in the fire hose bath with other kids (and other feeling-kids).

i felt free.

i felt so happy.

i felt like nothing matters, but only that moment.

that moment of freedom and pure happiness.

moment of pure satisfaction.

*  *  *

i remember my colorful childhood. 

every time it rained, i go out with my friends, grab a soap and shampoo and just bathed in rain. 

i remember those times that we keep on jumping until the water splashes in our faces. 

or those moments that we rode a styrofor-made boat that we used when there's a little wave (called flood).

or wear our salbabidas and pretend that we're in a beach.

simple joys. life-changing moments.

when i think of it, i still can imagine the smiles in our faces. 

the sound of shrieking girls while the boys teased them with dirty water.

and our moms scolding us for bathing in rain. again. after a million times of stopping us and telling us not to.

but it's different. you become one with nature.

you become one with yourself.

you feel free. different. it's like you want to stay for a long time under the rain.

but you can't.

you'll get sick.

and your mom will get more mad.

so you'll stop bathing under the rain.

and even if your friends call you, you'll turn them down and say "nah, i already have enough."

and that moment will become one of those treasured ones you want to share with anyone who cares to listen.

*  *  *

back to the fire hose bath.

thanks to precious and marion who pulled me into this.

i never regretted any moment of it.

seeing the kids enjoying the moment made me desire to experience their joy as well.

so even if i'm wearing jeans and shoes, and has money on my pocket, i joined them in the bathing spree.

indulged myself to freedom.

indulged myself in becoming a kid again.

and while having this moment of my life, i realized a very important lesson.

in life, we don't need everything.

we just need the basic, ordinary things. what makes us happy. what makes us complete.

for me, it's my family. my friends. my work. my community. my faith. my God.

and it made me appreciate more that the life i have is the life God wants for me.

thank you fire hose bath. thank you kids for making me realized how beautiful life is.

I just can't let go - ambrosia

after so many years of thinking that this song's title is Heart  and Soul, finally, someone gave me the right title! (thanks Porkee!) my favorite song when I was in 3rd year high school.  (note: and not because of someone, kuya haha) *  *  * Ooohh, Oh, what's the matter baby? Is the truth too hard to hear Well, I think you know I'm not the one who lied And now it's all behind us And we both play out our lives But the years don't change the way I feel inside So we play the game out Though it feels the same now Are you missin' me? Well now, baby just be aware Of how much I still care Ohhhh, I need your love I gave to you My heart and soul Now I just need To let you know You're part of me That I just can't let go (go, go) Go (go, go) Well, tell me somethin' baby Is there still some thing inside To remind you of the way it used to be? And how the years have rolled by Still there's somethin' I must say No one ever could have loved you more than me So I'm passin' time now (Oooh) Wishin' you were mine now (Oooh) Are you missin' me? (Are you missin' me?) (Oooh) Well you know it's not too late (Oooh) Oh, how long must I wait (Oooh) Ohhhh, to hear you say I gave to you My heart and soul (Yeay-ah) Now I just need To let you know You're part of me That I just can't let go (go, go) Go (go, go) (And I) And I need your love And I need your love Everywhere I go there's a memory (And) If you can't decide on me (Wooohh) Well you gotta make up your mind Someday you're gonna find You just might need me (Meeee) Ohhh, baby Ah Oooh Well now, baby just be aware Of how much I still care Ohhhh, I need your love I gave to you (gave) My heart and soul (heart and soul) (heart and soul) Now I just need (I just need to let you know) To let you know You're part of me that (Part of me, yeah) I just can't let (That I just) Part of me that (Part of me) I just can't let (Baby) Part of me that (I just can't let) I just can't let go (go, go) (Can't let go, babe, no) Go (go, go) (But I need you baby, so bad, baby) (Ooohh) Go (go, go) (I just can't let go, no, baby) (No matter how many years we're apart, I) Go (go, go) (I still hold you here in my heart, baby) Go (go, go) (Can't let go, babe, no, no) Go (go, go) (Ahhhh, just can't let go, just can't let go) (Yeah) Ooooooohh....

fear.

around 1:20 am today, while doing the secretariat for WKC, something happened to me. I was so afraid that I was really crying while praying. and my prayer was just so simple: asking Jesus to take away my fear and Mama Mary to embrace me to assure me that everything will be alright. i am so afraid. even now that i'm typing this blog, I am still crying. it's more difficult coz it happened while everyone's sleeping.

i have so many instances that i became so afraid before. but i think this is one of those i fear most. argh.

so i guess the first thing i have to do later is do what i fear most. yes, i will follow your advice, ate des.

please pray for me. i don't know if i can do it, but i have to. for my own sanity. and then, i'll blog about it after.

"for I know that my God is with me."